Hope in the Hush

    The past few days the words be quiet, be still, and hush have been every where I turn. You might be thinking to yourself, what does that mean? That's a great question because I don't know either.

     When you look at that picture, you see a random wild flower. That's what I saw when I got it. But last night in bible study when I opened my bible to Isaiah 61 and that same flower that was given to me in June all dried up was gracefully resting on the pages. I went back to Isaiah 61 this morning and honestly just sat there and stared blankly at it. When I was given this little flower it was a week of camp when I had some of the youngest ones, I was trying to get them out the door as all of their parents were eagerly waiting to see their little babies after a week of being gone. One sweet little girl who I don't even remember ran back into the cabin and handed me these. If you look closely, you can even see the little girls carrying their pillows out of the door. What made me snap this picture is beyond me, but I am so thankful I did now. When you look at that picture, it's as if the world stopped and was just still enough to capture and focus in on those little yellow flowers for .5 seconds of a busy day. The camera took the time to focus and hush the chaotic world that was going on around it.

     In Isaiah 61 it is a passage I would describe as hope. When I opened my bible to that passage last night and saw that same flower it caught me off guard. I didn't remember putting it in my bible that day, but I clearly must have. In this passage it talks about the Spirit of the Sovereign Lord, freedom, and ashes into beauty. That little weed of a flower, was a reminder of hope for me today. Of the peace Christ has to offer each of us daily. That when the insecurity and fear let lose in our hearts, that's when shame is triggered. We can all get help, but more often times than not we relapse because shame is and always will be a constant battle. When you find yourself in that shame, don't dwell there rather remember. Remember He is Sovereign. Remember hope in knowing that by His grace he makes our shame and ashes His beauty. Remember that the Lord's love casts out all of our fear. For He even in the shame and darkness He is near, because in those places is where the hope lies. 

     This is my bible and that flower today. Kinda cool isn't it? It's dead, but it's still full of color and life in it's own way. Just like us. Dead, but alive because He choses to give us an abundant life even though sometimes in the hard it doesn't feel that way. In those moments just hush and listen. He'll teach you something if you let Him, I can almost promise you. 

     So then what does this hush look like? A lot of different things really. Maybe hush will show up in a flower from a seven year old months later, a beautiful sunset, the belly kind of laughter, getting a good grade on a test, or maybe doing exactly what it says..Hushing. Being quiet. Being still. Pausing for a second and reframing the priorities and truths in your heart. Embracing the fact that there is hope in the hush because in the hush is where the peace of Christ lives.  

Dear Sixteen Year Old Me...

Dear Spicey,

First off let me just stop and give you a hug because you need it. Really though just stop and be still. Know in your core that you are SO loved.

When you feel like you aren't crazy enough, loud enough, or the center of attention remember that it is  okay and that's just how the Lord made you. He made you to be strong and it's a gift. Embrace that. It's an honor, really.

When you are running around like a chicken with your head cut off trying to be the best in everything, just chill out. Whether you want to be the ASB secretary, a semi decent tennis player, or who knows maybe even yearbook editor (or perhaps all three) remember to give yourself time to breathe. You need it, heck you deserve it! When the years go by and all the sudden you are walking across the stage on graduation day freaking out because in a few months you are about to leave for college, remember the ways the Lord has blessed you in high school cause girl it's by His grace you survived! Even though like they all say you met your best friends in college which is true, know some of your absolute best friends and sisters are the ones from high school. Love 'em they are the ones you don't have to explain yourself too, you'll appreciate that on the bad days.

And for a reality check. You have so much to learn. You think you know it all... I mean hello you can drive, you are practically the queen of Clarksville. But let people pour into you. You are still a little child, soak in every second of it because one day you will realize it's not half bad coming home to dinner every night, having your laundry done for you, and just hanging out with your mom on Saturdays running errands because one day you'll miss it.

The main things you need to know is that it's okay not to be perfect, that Christ in you makes you enough and when you wait expectantly on Him... He's gonna give you the desires of your heart and a lot more but it's all gonna be in His timing, even if that means not being #1 on the tennis team. He's still gonna bless you even though you feel like a failure, you aren't. Work hard at school, those women who are older than you trying to pour into you... girl listen to them. The truth, grace, and love they have to offer, it's the best. They have been where you are before. Love the people around you well because you might be that little light of Jesus to them. And girl let that light shine. Laugh until it hurts and be silly! It's okay to be weird and crazy. That weird part to you might not ever change.. so you just go on and embrace that too ;]

Oh and don't be afraid of adventures. You will learn to love them. Seriously, they will change your heart.

Keep on truckin girl. Keep on. The Lord's got you the whole way through.

Pictures of Grace

     If you know me at all you know these things: that I am called my last name more than my first, I have a southern accent, and that I have brown hair. Those are things that describe who I am, who are you? Are you a blonde hair, blue eyed, cute outfit wearing, jaw dropper? Maybe you are the straight A biochemical physics medical fancy things major I could never dream of kind of person (props to y'all!) Or maybe you are someone trying to get through all the daily list of "to-do's." and just hope to make it out of the house feeling at least remotely put together. Regardless of all of that though, each of us are someone. All of those things I listed might describe who you are to the everyday people or what you enjoy, but none of those things define you. It may describe you in ways, but it doesn't tell me what kind of person you are.

     This is just one of my sweet girls the Lord blessed me with this summer while I was in Texas. The past few months I have seen countless pictures of grace, but it has taken me a while to realize that. If I could stick someone in my pocket, this little chickadee would be one of the pickings. She literally oozed Jesus out of her. She wanted to know everything about Him and tell everyone about Him. I tell you all of this because to me she is a picture of grace to everyone she touches. She was the one who reminded me of what the joy of the Lord looked like. She would literally tell me time and time again "I know what Jesus did for me and I don't deserve it, I'm not perfect! Nugget, He was perfect! But He just loves me that much!" She is probably nine, probably loves soccer, and her mom probably still picks out her clothes. Those things describe her, but that's not what defined her. That light in her eyes that radiated out is what she let define her, and that light was Jesus. 

     Those descriptions I rattled off at the beginning, I have friends in each of those categories that are pictures of grace to me. Some of us couldn't be more opposite, but the Lord has beyond blessed me with some of their friendships. On the outside that describes a lot of them, but once you get to know their hearts you learn that's not what they let define them. They let Him love them well. Those three words have shown up so many times over the past week it's almost freaky.

    When I see those words "love them well" I think about every person I see or who I have gotten to know and how I love them. I think about last year, this summer, this semester now, and wonder who has loved me well and why did the Lord chose them to teach me His grace. Every person feels love in a different way, it's normal, it's the way Jesus made us. I think it's pretty cool to tell the truth! But with all of that said, how do you love people well? 

    The people in your life who are pictures of grace are often the ones we tend to look past. Because just like grace, we forget to receive and embrace it. We forget that by his wounds were were made whole again. Grace. We forget that He is walking with us every step of the way. Grace. We forget that it's by His grace, He loves each one of us well. He actually loves us perfect. Cherish those people who are pictures of grace in your life, thank them. Think about people who need pictures of grace in the midst of the hard, you might be that picture to them. To the southern bell, straight A student, soccer loving nine year old, or mother of three people and everyone else in between those titles aren't what define you. To remind them what defines you is what Jesus did on the cross for them that day and letting Him use you to love them well in the same way He loves us well from sun up to sun down. That my friends is the ultimate picture of grace. Be a part of His graceful masterpiece and simply love them well... it feels good, I promise! 

Texas

    Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow you're only a day away. Yes. Less than 24 hours from now. I'm leaving for Texas. Can you believe it, I cannot! For those of you that don't know I will be working at OutBack Camp through PineCove Christian Camps the first half of the summer, fifty-five nights to be exact as my mom counted it up last night. Crazyy! I will be working with 2nd to 8th grade kids and other than that I really have no idea what to expect. All I have heard is awesome stuff though! I feel like it was yesterday I got the call from there telling me I got the position, and now I leave tomorrow is like woahhh! As I get stuff together and pack I have had such a mixture of emotions some moments so excited and other moments my nerves are out of the roof. I hate packing though, it stresses me out. There are so many what if potentials you have to work through!

     I know so many people doing something new and scary this summer whether its going to camp or even staying where you have been your whole life. We are all facing these emotions in different levels, but the common ground we have is that we are all getting out of the boat. Just like Peter the Lord told him to step out into the water, the unknown, but to have faith that He would guide and protect him. When He got out of the boat the Lord let him walk on water, the Lord was faithful in His word. Peter had to get out of the boat and get his feet wet. This summer that is my prayer for myself and all the people around me. That we would get wet. The Lord promises us good, we just have to trust His word.

    Right now in one moment I am on the verge of tears and in the next I can't wait! So as you get out of the boat and get wet, know He is and has been faithful over and over again in that promise. I have no idea what this Summer holds or any expectations for that matter. All I know is that I'm having to get out of the boat, but that He's got me and He's got you too. Lean into Him in the new ways and engage in what He promises us. It's gonna be worth it! Even the 14 hours car ride there...!

    Thank you for all who have prayed and are praying for me. It means so much! The best way to talk to me the next few weeks will be via snail mail, but I will have my phone on weekends for a little while! So WRITE ME!!! Here is my address for PineCove!

Sarah Spiceland (Camp name when I get it!) 

Pine Cove Outback

1237 Papa Bear Lane

Columbus, TX 78934

    Whatever season of life you may be in right now know the same guy who let Peter walk on water and the same one who split the Red Sea is the same one who is going to show you the good He promises. They had to get wet first and so do we. So to myself and all of you get out of the boat! He's got bigger stuff in store, even if right now it's a little (okay a lot!) scary and nerve-racking! 

The Power of Your Words

     I don't get to read much during school for obvious reasons, school. I love reading though, sitting down with a book in a cozy chair or by the pool is one of my favorite things to do ever. Since I have been able to have a life for about a week now, I have finished almost two whole books! Maybe that qualifies me with not having a life, I'm not really sure at the moment, but regardless two down. One of the books I just read is called "A Way with Words" by Christin Ditchfield and I really enjoyed it!

    While I was reading this book it made me think a lot about people who really encourage me by what they say to me. There are some people in my life who pour so much into me on a daily basis and I love them so much, they have helped shape me into the person I am today. One chapter of this book called 'the power of teaching' stuck out to me in particular because it talks about how we are constantly using our mouth to either teach or put down. We have older mentors in our lives who pour into us, but we don't necessarily pour that much into them per say. They are what the book calls "spiritual mothers." We have those few who are more like sisters where we pour into each other's lives, and receive from each other. Counting it as a blessing that they may have more wisdom in one area than we do and vice versa so we are able to learn. It's ironing sharpening iron (Proverbs 27:17). Then there are those you are called to pour into and teach, your "spiritual daughters." Teach them what He has taught you and walk with them through the stages of life where you have been. I tell you all of this because all of this pouring out and being poured into involves our words. The words that come out of our mouth are the overflow of our hearts. We have all heard that about five hundred times, but when you really think about it jabs you a little. Relationships are a gift from Christ. People to walk with you and guide you along the way if you just receive the gift He has given you that is them. Be thankful for them. Tell them you love them, tell them that you are for them, and more than anything show them His unending grace through your actions. Because in all of that your words might say one thing, but unless you truly show it in your actions those words mean nothing.

    Press in and truly engage with the people around you who are seeking Him. Use your words to tell others about the joys, the struggles, and the victories of Christ in your life. Be a person that when you get to heaven the Lord can say to you "Well done good and faithful servant" (Matthew 25:23) The people in my life who have poured into me countless times no doubt will have such great treasures waiting in heaven for them, in my book at least that doesn't count, I know! Those of you that have to taught me letting go, the words you can do this, and you just have to trust Him are gems in my life because they have used what the Lord has taught them through trying times to teach me.

    Tell those people you love them today, the next day, and then everyday after. Maybe that's a little dramatic, but when you see them or talk to them how ever often that is love them. The words that roll off our tongues can either build up or tear a person down so choose to be like Him. The One who not only told us with His own mouth countless times in His Word of how much he loved us, but in everything He did for us. He died and rose on the cross for you and me. Let's live our lives like Him and tell the world He has risen and is just as much alive today as He was hundreds of years ago. Use the words He has given you and plant the seeds of thanksgiving in the people around you. The seeds of thankfulness that the Lord would let you cross paths with that person who has helped make you the person you are right now.

    This is one of my dear friends Kim and this is also one of my favorite pictures of laughter which to me is totally a way of communication. She is a mess so much of the time, but her sweet spirit and encouragement is out of the wazoo! Showing someone you love them through laughter is something so awesome to me. So use your mouth whether in laughter or in your words for Him! The things coming out of it say a lot, no kidding! "Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything." Ephesians 5:19-20

An Army..

     In my lap right now are probably forty pages of worth of papers I just printed out for camp that I need to go over. In my basement is my entire freshman year sitting in a giant heap of unorganized mess I need to sort through and repack. In my room there are lists of stuff that need to happen or I need to buy before I leave next Thursday. While in theory all of that should be overwhelming and is slightly, I know it'll get done.

    If you know me at all, you know I hate, do not like, despise, goodbye with most every fiber of my being. Seriously, even things I don't like I still get sad when I have to say bye, I'm kind of pathetic. People try to tell me all the time it's only see you later or we'll still talk all the time, whatever. Yeah, all of that is awesome but that's not what makes me sad. I'm confident in people, situations, and timing that it'll all be okay I have no doubt about it. What makes me sad is saying bye to the season. Walking out of my dorm room yesterday I was already a mess and I still had to get through two more goodbyes before I could finally be on my way home. When I was leaving the last goodbye (I act like goodbye is an event, but it really is. You plan them too don't you?!) I had tears sitting in my eyes, but never really cried though. I was sad, but at the same time I was so encouraged. I was sad that this season was ending, but I was encouraged about the next one whatever that may be. I got some of the most encouraging cards and words spoken to me yesterday that I was so not expecting. When I was finally heading out of Knoxville I texted my mom telling her I was headed that way. She said something back to the extent of "Good, you have lots and lots to be thankful for." I was driving and listening to the song "Break Every Chain" by Will Reagan and The United Pursuit Band (I would recommend if you don't know it) but some of the lines in that song that I love are "there is power in the name of Jesus" and "there's an army rising up" I have no idea why that stuck out to me so much in the car, but I kept thinking those things are so true. 

    I don't know what all of you are doing this summer, but the thing that has given me comfort the past twenty-four hours is knowing that there is an army with me in each season I say goodbye too, and a new one for the season I am entering. That there is power in the name of Jesus because that army is carrying His name and waiting expectantly on Him to lead them into the next season. So even though the past few days and the next several weeks to come will be full of goodbyes it gives me hope knowing that there is a whole army backing me up along the way and you too for that matter as we go on the next adventure. 

     I thought about my mom telling me I had lots to be thankful for this morning and she's really right. This past year I have been so ridiculously blessed. The people who have poured into me in the littlest ways have meant so much to me. Some were old friends and some were new, but they were part of the army Christ orchestrated for my life in this season. So as I tackle the mountain of stuff sitting in my basement, probably get sad all over again, and attempt to organize my life I know He's for me and that He's got that army backing me up and well that's just awesome. 

     With all of that said, goodbyes are still hard and probably always will be for me. So if I cry they are not all sad tears, but happy tears because of what you have meant to me. He's got you and He's got me the whole way through! 

     Side note! To all of you that have given me a front row seat to what God's doing in your life I just want to say thank you and that it is such an honor! A lot are going some where new this summer and some are staying at home but know that I can't wait to see what He does in you all. Each of us on different adventures no doubt, but all apart of the same army carrying His name. You all are gonna rock it! Psalm 27:13-14 "I will remain confident in this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong, and take heart. Wait for the Lord." and also Ephesians 6! 

    

Grace

     Every Wednesday this semester I have gone to a family's house here in Knoxville and have gotten to know some very dear and precious people to my life now. The story of how I met this family is confusing and crazy, but that crazy story is proof that the Lord constantly knows what He's doing. My now sister-in-law, Amber, went over to this family's house while she was in college at MTSU. I say now sister-in-law because in Murfreesboro is where her and my brother James met at the time while they were in school. This family's now oldest, Hannah, was the flower girl in my brother's wedding. That was May 12th five years ago. Five years ago at that wedding I was in 8th grade and I might have said two words to this family. Five years ago if you would have told me I was going to be a Tennessee Volunteer living in Knoxville, I would have laughed at you. Five years ago I had no idea that family would be living here and what a blessing that family would be in my life. Today, I know that is God's grace.

     This is a picture of the precious kiddos that now hold a special place in my heart and I love so dearly. They make your heart happy and make you laugh in the deep down ways. Grace is the one of the words that has summed up my semester. Grace is something that is so overlooked by so many, but it something that is so powerful. Rachel texted me one day in December and randomly said "I want to learn about grace." My thought when I got that text was okay cool. Grace is grace. Christ gives grace. I was really wrong. Grace is oodles more than that. Grace lets you rest in knowing you are saved. This semester it is something I have had to walk through and really learn, at times it was messy, but I have learned that messy is beautiful. That in the mess is where grace abounds. Learning to not only give grace, but to receive grace for yourself in knowing that the mess in you is beautiful.

    This is Julie someone who feels like she hasn't done much, but has poured so much into us. Truth in knowing that some days are hard, but that it's okay to feel those emotions. Showing us that we can do it, that Christ in us is enough. But more than anything teaching us and showing us what grace is and looks like. I keep saying "us" because my best friend (in the pictures too, hi!) has joined me along the way on Wednesdays and other days in between, each of us have learned different things obviously, but regardless it's been something we have learned a lot about together. So while there is so much more to grace, this story, and what's to come next. In this moment I am thankful that Amber crossed paths with this family years ago in Murfreesboro and that they would move to Knoxville where I woud end up at school, I'm thankful that Rachel texted me saying she wanted to learn about grace, I'm thankful that  it's the most ordinary things that change everything, I'm thankful that I know freedom in Christ like I never have before all because now I know that grace is alive and breathing in me. I'm thankful that God knew the whole time what He was doing, because I sure had no idea! 

    Seventeen days from now I will be heading to Texas for part of the Summer to serve at a camp called PineCove. I am so ridiculously excited, but at the same time thinking what the heck am I doing! I've never even been to Texas before here! I know there are so many reasons though and I can't wait to find out! My reason for making a blog in the first place was for this summer so I could attempt at keeping people updated while I'm away, we will see how that plays out but hopeful thinking!

     So in all of that the good days, the hard days, and the laughter or tears in between know there is an inner strength, that there is hope, and even more than that there is unending grace. My hope is that you too would open your hands and receive the grace all around. However that looks for you whether its in a red bird, laughter, sunshine, or maybe even a Dr.Pepper. Enjoy it. :]