He Provides

     I came home today. I was so stinking excited to see the exit sign, but at the same time I don't even remember driving from school to home. I was so zoned out. This week I have learned a lot about rest and what that looks like. I forgot to breathe multiple times this week, like kind of pathetic amounts when I think about it. By Tuesday I was shot, ready for the scavengers to just come get me, and just say have at it I'm done. Needless to say, Jesus had some other plans in mind. He wasn't quite done with me.

     While I was driving home today the song "In You" by Michael Bogg played multiple times to say the least. The song talks about resting in the Lord and the healing He provides. In the middle of one of my blah days I was challenged to make a list of everything I was thankful for, well never exactly got around to it I know, shame on Sarah. Another thing I was challenged with this week was to welcome Jesus to where you are right now. Literally saying out loud "Hey Jesus" and recognizing His presence, never did that one either, shame on me again! But today when I was finally driving out of Knoxville, I started breathing a little easier and thought about this week.

    While I was processing all of this, in that version of the song towards the end the singer says "Oh thank you Jesus" and when I heard that driving I literally exhaled and thought to myself "Amen to that one, thank you Jesus." The more I thought about it, the more I really just wanted to say thank you Jesus. So in that moment, I decided to do that little challenge, but in my own way. I was listening to my music and said out loud as if a casual conversation you would have with a friend "thank you Jesus" by myself in my car, yes you think I am crazy, I felt a little crazy too, but it felt good...seriously. I would recommend it!

     I tell you all of this because this week my attitude has not been of He provides or rest. It has been everything contrary to that. There were moments I literally wanted to get sick, but He so provided in the the ways I least expected and thats what I realized on my car ride today. I was trying so hard to fix myself that I was forgetting to rest. There will be days for everyone when you feel like you can't take another step, but something will happen and you'll end up needing to run. In those running moment, He totally has you because He knows you are strong enough to handle it in the core. But also humbling yourself to remember that some days someone is going to have to run and help you too. Each of us have a strength thats our own, but its the inner strength of Christ deep down that keeps you going, you just have to be willing tap into it in those moments or know when to say I need help.

    I look back over the past two weeks and think oh Jesus you knew the whole time, I was just looking in all the wrong places. All the truths you were trying to teach me where sitting right in front of me, I was just expecting something different. (Expectations are deadly things too, I will soapbox on that another time) So yes there have been some long days which is normal for everyone, but I had to run to someone to speak truth into me. The ways He has provided have been really cool to watch as He unfolds it on His time. He has reminded me that there is freedom in Him, there is grace, and there are blessings.

    So with all of that said I am still learning and will forever be learning what rest looks like. But in this moment, sitting in a dark house with the theme song from Friends playing in the background and a thunderstorm brewing outside, He has provided. He has shown me that sometimes tears say I love you, that saying "Hey Jesus!" out loud feels good, that sitting indian style on the floor talking is exactly what the soul needs sometimes, that I really really love some people, and even now though it's pouring down rain and I can't get anything out of my car that He just wants rest. He longs to give us rest from the worries and expectations of our hearts, and chances are everything you need is sitting right before you if you just open your eyes and rest in Him. Yes, easier said than done and totally learning how to do this too. And as cliche as it may be I leave you with this..

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

It's fun. Rest. Freedom. Thankfulness. Try it. Kind of scary, but it's worth it. Promise!


   

Does that make sense?

I learn best by listening, then processing verbally. Always have been that way, sometimes it's a blessing other times its a curse. Anytime I am talking to someone I often end the statement with "Does that make sense?" because so much makes sense in my head, but to the world I feel like its a foreign language.

I tell you this because I can tell people something but, half the time I am saying, writing, or typing it out to them is when it clicks in me. I can give a girl encouragement, but sometimes when I get done I sit there and think to myself "Who are you?" You just told that person to trust, give themselves grace, or maybe even reminded them of how awesome they are. All of those things are so true about everyone I talk too, all of them are huge blessings! But I could preach that to girls all day long and mean every word of it, but at the end of the day I sometimes sit there and have to ask myself the question "Sarah, Does that make sense?" I so often forget to put into action what I want other so badly to do. I want people to know how great they are, I want people to know how much grace the Lord gives us, I want people to know how beautiful messy is, I want people to know they are enough but do I even tell myself that stuff half the time?

I was talking to my best friend earlier. In our personalities we are very much opposite, but also very much same. Meaning I tend to be the emotional sap and she is more of the short to the point kind of girl. I tell you that because while talking today after every statement I made I literally wanted to look at her and say "Does that make sense or am I a complete lunatic?" I know she gets what I saying but she just says "yeah okay" after most statements (which works for her wonderfully, so yay for that),but while I know she gets it at the same time the irrational parts of me get tense because my crazy self starts to think but what if that didn't make sense! What if I really am a mad woman! I use that for example because it was recent, when I am talking to people I love interaction, I love hearing people's stories, or what they think because I learn best from that.

I had a bible study with my 5th grade girls yesterday and one of them said this "It's about remembering even though we might be small on the outside, we are big on the inside because we have Christ living in us." When she said that I sat there, and literally made her repeat it because it was so true! In all of those moments where I wonder does that make sense or I forget to tell myself the things I preach, it's just like what little Maddie said. We are so small on the outside because the flesh and world are eating us full of lies, but on the inside we are big. We are big because we have a big spirit in us who make it all make sense. In all the mess and confusion of life, we are big because we serve a God who gives us enough grace in the moments of life that don't make sense to let His big in us make it breathable.

So does that make sense? Does it make sense that we all learn and receive things differently? Does it make sense that for some people your life won't ever make sense? Does it make since that some people like green better than blue? Does anything ever really make sense? No, none of that makes since in our heads and it never will, it's okay to be slightly annoyed by that too, I think at least. What makes anything and everything make sense is the Spirit of Christ in you and it's the overflow of Him in your heart, your actions, and your words that make it make sense.

That Moment

     That moment when you forget to breathe. I have been off Facebook for maybe a total of four days, so really nothing. But had to get back on to check on things about this upcoming Summer even though in my head I knew I wasn't ready to yet. In those four days I actually mentally felt a little stronger. I didn't have those little lies seeping into my head every time I signed on or never really even thought about them, because I wasn't aware of them going on. When I logged back on tonight my soul got a choke hold on it. Like a sucker punch to my stomach and was once again swept right back into the mix of it all. With that said, don't let it shock you if I don't have it again in a few days even though I really do love it.

     A few weeks ago I was at the woman's house that has been mentoring me this semester. The grace, truth, and love she pours into me weekly has been one of the biggest blessings to me since coming to college. I was talking to her one day about something coming up that I was nervous about. While we talking though she said is it one of those moments that take your breath away and you literally feel like you can't breathe when you are in it. When she said that I literally wanted to shout YES. YES. YES. but in fear of that potentially being slightly dramatic which in theory it would have been, I simply said yes. But that thought has been coming back to me a lot lately, what are those moments that take your breath away? Is it logging onto Facebook and letting your mind take over like me, worrying about what that person thinks when they find out you aren't perfect, or is it simply thinking about the day and all that has to be accomplished that you just forget to breathe.

    In all of those moments that take your breath away, its realizing what are the truths in those situations? Because when you sit and be still the Lord starts to whisper the blessings to you for that moment and thats enough. In every moment He will give you what you need if you just breathe deep. The world will keep spinning, the seasons of life will keep changing, but when you don't take that moment to let yourself breathe you are going to literally suffocate. So when those lies start to trigger; be bold and pull them up from the roots. Don't let those old roots win, let the breath of Christ breathe new life into those places.

    So next time 'that moment' happens for you know that there is grace. That He is for you. That you are already amazing. That He is bigger than the lies and that you are already so much more than enough.

"The Lord will guide you always, He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Isaiah 58:11

The Spice Days

     This scares me. You are talking to a girl who checks her google reader on the regular to get her daily dose of blog medicine. The thought of creating one for myself makes my insides cringe a little because I read so many others and think to myself... "The day I have that much wisdom and truth inside me, I'll be set to maybe have my own blog." But I am coming to the reality that I will never actually be set, but that I will constantly be learning in whatever season I am in. I won't ever know enough about a topic no matter how much I feel like I do because God tends to smack it right back to me saying "Oh hey, I'm not done with this yet." Which is why I titled my blog as "The Spice Days" because most days I have no idea what is going to be thrown my way, but learning that God gives you enough grace for the moment, not the bad day you had two weeks ago or two months down the road, but right now in this very moment He will give you enough when you simply rest in Him.

     Remember the first sentence I said, this is scary! But also having to remember that even though it might be scary on the inside that He promises good, we just have to trust Him in that moment. I'm a really good girl (in theory) who is constantly falling, but one that is also being picked up by the same loving arms as you are every time. 

     So with all of that said welcome to The Spice Days and the peaks, pits, and praises of a girl who is learning in every breathe of life, even the messy because that where He shines the brightest in the end. Enjoy!