I came home today. I was so stinking excited to see the exit sign, but at the same time I don't even remember driving from school to home. I was so zoned out. This week I have learned a lot about rest and what that looks like. I forgot to breathe multiple times this week, like kind of pathetic amounts when I think about it. By Tuesday I was shot, ready for the scavengers to just come get me, and just say have at it I'm done. Needless to say, Jesus had some other plans in mind. He wasn't quite done with me.
While I was driving home today the song "In You" by Michael Bogg played multiple times to say the least. The song talks about resting in the Lord and the healing He provides. In the middle of one of my blah days I was challenged to make a list of everything I was thankful for, well never exactly got around to it I know, shame on Sarah. Another thing I was challenged with this week was to welcome Jesus to where you are right now. Literally saying out loud "Hey Jesus" and recognizing His presence, never did that one either, shame on me again! But today when I was finally driving out of Knoxville, I started breathing a little easier and thought about this week.
While I was processing all of this, in that version of the song towards the end the singer says "Oh thank you Jesus" and when I heard that driving I literally exhaled and thought to myself "Amen to that one, thank you Jesus." The more I thought about it, the more I really just wanted to say thank you Jesus. So in that moment, I decided to do that little challenge, but in my own way. I was listening to my music and said out loud as if a casual conversation you would have with a friend "thank you Jesus" by myself in my car, yes you think I am crazy, I felt a little crazy too, but it felt good...seriously. I would recommend it!
I tell you all of this because this week my attitude has not been of He provides or rest. It has been everything contrary to that. There were moments I literally wanted to get sick, but He so provided in the the ways I least expected and thats what I realized on my car ride today. I was trying so hard to fix myself that I was forgetting to rest. There will be days for everyone when you feel like you can't take another step, but something will happen and you'll end up needing to run. In those running moment, He totally has you because He knows you are strong enough to handle it in the core. But also humbling yourself to remember that some days someone is going to have to run and help you too. Each of us have a strength thats our own, but its the inner strength of Christ deep down that keeps you going, you just have to be willing tap into it in those moments or know when to say I need help.
I look back over the past two weeks and think oh Jesus you knew the whole time, I was just looking in all the wrong places. All the truths you were trying to teach me where sitting right in front of me, I was just expecting something different. (Expectations are deadly things too, I will soapbox on that another time) So yes there have been some long days which is normal for everyone, but I had to run to someone to speak truth into me. The ways He has provided have been really cool to watch as He unfolds it on His time. He has reminded me that there is freedom in Him, there is grace, and there are blessings.
So with all of that said I am still learning and will forever be learning what rest looks like. But in this moment, sitting in a dark house with the theme song from Friends playing in the background and a thunderstorm brewing outside, He has provided. He has shown me that sometimes tears say I love you, that saying "Hey Jesus!" out loud feels good, that sitting indian style on the floor talking is exactly what the soul needs sometimes, that I really really love some people, and even now though it's pouring down rain and I can't get anything out of my car that He just wants rest. He longs to give us rest from the worries and expectations of our hearts, and chances are everything you need is sitting right before you if you just open your eyes and rest in Him. Yes, easier said than done and totally learning how to do this too. And as cliche as it may be I leave you with this..
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
It's fun. Rest. Freedom. Thankfulness. Try it. Kind of scary, but it's worth it. Promise!
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